Was It Worth It?
by mende5525
Summary: One-shot: After Gwen and Duncan kiss and Courtney finds out about it, Gwen starts questioning her actions and her future with Duncan. NO FLAMES!


A/N: I was seriously pissed and disappointed with the way the writers hooked up Gwen and Duncan. Duncan cheated on Courtney and Gwen willing let herself be the other woman while ultimately destroying any possible friendship with Courtney in the future, which is a shame because they really would've been good friends. At the end of the day though I do think Gwen felt guilty about her actions, but she needs to realize that things with Duncan will not be what she wants. The whole relationship was doomed from the start in the way it was set up. So here's a small piece I thought of, all from Gwen's point of view.

* * *

**Was It Worth It?**

* * *

Courtney's still crying.

It's been hours now and she's still crying in a seat clear across the room. It's completely dark and everyone else is trying to sleep, but I'm sure her sobbing is keeping most everyone awake. They're all just to afraid to tell her to stop. I didn't even know someone could cry this much. let alone Courtney. It only gnaws at my guilt more and keeps me from feeling good about the kiss altogether.

Some part of me should of realized this was going to happen as soon as Duncan started leaning in to kiss me. I should've stopped him, I should've reminded him he had a girlfriend, or at the very least I should've asked him to break up with Courtney first before we became "involved." But I didn't do anything to stop Duncan from kissing me, I willing let him... and as much as I loved it, I wish I hadn't let him at that moment in time, it was just too soon.

Courtney starts crying harder.

I should apologize. I did after all betray her, even if we're not best friends, I was beginning to like her, and Courtney didn't deserve getting hurt in the first place, but damn it if that kiss hadn't felt so good. I can't even really recall when I first started crushing on Duncan. After TDA had finished up I suddenly began missing him like crazy. I always swore our relationship was purely friendship, but with everyone constantly pointing out how "perfect" we'd be for each other, I couldn't help but think of Duncan romantically. Before I knew it I realized I had more than just a crush on him, I actually wanted him as my boyfriend. I suppose somewhere in my conscience I justified it by looking at all the flaws in Courtney. I figured they would break up eventually due to her overachieving and overwhelming behavior.

The worst part was that I actually began to get to know Courtney and I actually began to see what Duncan saw in her. Unfortunately my heart had pretty much made up its mind, and even when I knew they were still together I still kissed Duncan, and now I look like the bad guy to everyone on national TV.

Then there was the big break-up display Courtney put on earlier today. She had still been crying when one of the waiters tried giving her something to eat (probably as an attempt to shut her up) but Courtney simply got up, went into second class, and threw her plate straight at Duncan's head. The love-struck part of me wanted to run to Duncan, but the feminist part of me wanted to let Courtney take her revenge. Somehow though, through all of Courtney's strength, she ended up breaking down on the floor like a child. Duncan could only stand there and watch, he couldn't even fully apologize before Courtney kicked him in the crotch as a last act of hatred.

The last I've seen of Duncan today was when he was holding ice on his eye and his crotch. And now I'm sitting here in first class fighting the urge to go comfort Courtney or Duncan. I still can't believe I caused this much chaos with a simple kiss.

"I... (sob)... hate her," Courtney complains.

OK I'll deal with Courtney first.

"Would you shut up!"

Is that Duncan's voice? He shouldn't be here. But sure enough, I see through the dark Duncan standing over Courtney's seat looking irritated as hell.

"You shut up Duncan! What the hell are you even doing here? Shouldn't you be making out with your creepy, cold-hearted, boyfriend stealing witch!"

Ouch, I knew Courtney could be mean, but damn she's really laying into it.

"I came back here to let you know that your crying is keeping everyone awake."

No kidding

Courtney's mood suddenly shifts and she looks at Duncan as if she can't believe what he just told her. I can't even believe what he just told her? Is he trying to get another black eye?

"I don't care," Courtney says hotly. "If you don't care that I'm crying, then why the hell should I care how you feel Duncan?"

Duncan looks uncomfortable for a moment before shoving off Courtney's statement. "You're being a drama queen."

I see Courtney snap for a second before yelling, "You cheated on me!" The word "Cheat" cuts into me pretty deep. "You cheated on me with the only girl here who I was actually becoming friends with and then you both go and hide it from me!" The only reason I hid it to begin with was because I didn't want this to happen.

If Duncan feels guilty for anything he doesn't let it show, he never let's his image down, not even for her. "It's not like I planned for this to happen."

Courtney scoffs and rises from her seat. I expected her to explode out of her chair and attack him, but instead she calmly crosses her arms and looks up at Duncan sadly. It's almost painful to watch because she looks so vulnerable. Why can't I just fall asleep!

"You didn't plan it?" Courtney asks doubtfully. "I suspected you of being unfaithful all last season and the both of you swore you were just friends. Then when I actually start to believe you two, you both go behind my back and try to hide it from me." There's a long pause before Courtney sighs heavily and shakes her head. "If you really didn't want to be with me you could've told me. I wouldn't have liked it, but it would've been a lot better then you going off and hooking up with the only person I trusted on my team."

I feel like lightning is about to come down and strike me.

Duncan groans before responding, "I didn't want to do the same old game where we break up and then get back together. I didn't want you trying to get me back while I tried being with Gwen."

Again I expect Courtney to snap, but this time there's a new strength in her, a strength that should've been with her when she broke up with Duncan. It's with her now and I've never seen a person more sure of themselves.

"I always took you back because I loved you... I would've forgiven you a million times for a million things, all because I loved you and I thought you loved me." Courtney's voice starts cracking slightly but she still hangs in there. "But I can't forgive you now, I can't even feel love for you anymore ...because it's clear... you never loved me."

Duncan looks stung by her words, he even looks angered. I want to tell him it's not true, I know Duncan loved Courtney. But he fell out of love with her and with me. Right?

Neither one of them says anything and Courtney simply walks past him and goes to the confessional, where I'm sure she's started crying all over again. Duncan starts heading back to second class where my feet automatically drag me to.

I place a hand on Duncan's shoulder which slightly startles him until he realizes it's me and relaxes. "Are you OK?"

He shrugs and replies. "Yeah it's no big deal." Again the front, I wonder when I'll ever see it drop.

"You still want to be with me right?" I only ask because I seriously think Courtney's words might have gotten to him.

But Duncan just smiles at me assuredly and I immediately feel better. "Of course," he says placing a kiss on my lips. I melt right into it and savor the moment, I just can't help how he makes me feel.

"Let's just let whatever happens happen," I say sincerely wanting nothing more than to just let this thing grow more and more on it's own. I want to forget the drama, forget the accusations, and all the fault. All I know is what I feel when I'm with Duncan, and no matter how wrong it is, it feels right.

Duncan nods happily and holds me closely, the moment is perfect and relaxed. But something comes across Duncan's mind that ruins the moment in a heartbeat. "I just don't want to get serious."

Not get serious? I don't expect us to be serious so soon, but never?

I'm scared he might reconsider his decision so I simply say "Oh," and look down so he can't read the disappointment in my face.

"I just don't want this to turn into a big thing, I just want us to enjoy what we've got going."

The more he talks the more my heart sinks. I may not be in love with Duncan or anything right now, but I had been hoping...

"I don't think either of us wants to take that risk," he says letting me go. "See you tomorrow hot stuff.'"

He leaves me there with me stomach in knots and my muscles feeling weak. He doesn't want to take a risk with me? I thought that was why he kissed me in the first place, I thought that's what this whole thing was about. I thought it was about more than just a crush... it had been with Courtney...why not me?

I go back to first class and settle in my chair. If he doesn't want a relationship I guess I can understand. It wasn't what I was hoping for, but I can't really turn back now. I still want to try to make this work with Duncan, I want to tell myself that it was worth it.

But was it worth it?

I still don't know.

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A/N: I think Gwen may have doubts that she and Duncan will even work and she should when what she feels for him can be clearly classified as a "crush" while Duncan was in a serious relationship that he royally screwed up, it shows he can't handle a relationship at all, therefore she shouldn't expect one. As for DxC ever getting back together, I'm not entirely sure on. Their both a dysfunctional couple anyway but I doubt Courntey will ever be able to trust him again after he cheated on her.

So yeah, please review and be kind. No flames!


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